Self-assured
I am not a massively confident person, someone who will just say something and be whole-heartedly 100% positive that what they are saying is true. This is because I do not like having arguments with people and I am certainly not going to engage unless I am absolutely certain I am right, otherwise what’s the point? What if it turns out something you thought was true, wasnt’t?
This is why I was suprised to find I was willing to fight about something. Well for something, from my point of view. I don’t give up on things very easily, not if I’m committed to it, not if I’ve spent time devoted to it. Well I think that’s why we kept fighting about it, because for me, it’s not something I just think, something I’ve changed my mind about based on someone else’s argument, it just is. I know it like I know I like tea. I just do. And for the centre of it all, to question this one thing I just know, provoked this great energy to argue in me. No wonder I resent the people I do, who changed everything so monumentally for us, just because of their own situation. I could tell it made you cross when other people close to me doubted it. I always wondered if that was because you are private or because you were subconsciously angry like me. However I digress and over-analyse, back to the point, I do not deal well with just giving up on something I care about and maybe I’ve spent too much time thinking about it for just that reason. Awkward how this shows my overthinking. Anyway, we’re actually pretty good at the moment, I’m really happy because you seem to be happy and we have stopped talking about it or arguing I should say.
But I feel like I need to say that whilst I am happy now because you are happy, it’s not because I’ve accepted your view. In fact it astounds me that you still have this view, after all the stupid things we’ve both done because of it, you know what they say about fools! It’s far to difficult to properly explain, and it’s not like you’ll ever read this anyway, but I think it’s about being happy, and admiring someone and caring about them like family, it’s a feeling, you cannot just put it in a situation and say right then, you cannot feel this way because you would not react in the expected manner, that’s far too scientifical. A brain belonging to a male clearly thought up that nugget. Sometimes people react weirdly because people are weird and society has different expectations of different people, peoples’ families have different expectations of them and people have different expectations of themself! Just because you want two things at once does not mean the emotion you feel for one is negated, it’s not that simple. This whole thing is weird to be honest. Never thought I’d spend so much time justifying it, when it seems so obvious. This is really very pointless and silly to post, but I’ve written it all now, so there you go. I just do.
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